Unexpected Christmas Present

We were eating at a friend's house last night. It was great time, enjoying easy food and long friendship. And though it was tight around the table - the three of us, the five of them, and the two dogs, Nalo the mutt and Shadow the one-fanged Pekingnese, sharing elbow and knee room - we were making merry of it. And things got better in the personal space category when Little Annie excused herself and started stirring a pot of Christmas cookie cutouts on the floor. Up on chairs, the rest of us continued sharing our cozy quarters and telling stories in between bites of pepperoni pizza.

A few minutes later, from behind me, a little finger started tapping my behind. So I turned to find Anna Rose looking up at me with a smile on her face. "What's up, A-Ro?" I asked. She was rocking back and forth and I could tell she was excited. "Boop!" she exclaimed. "Boop? Oh dear," I said. (Boop, I have learned, means that she has done something malodorous down below.) So wiping my chin free of pizza sauce, I reached down and took Annie in my arms and carried her to the livingroom grabbing her diaper bag on the way.

I pondered the best place for a changing but was having a hard time. The couch, the coffee table, the hearth - they all felt a little too invasive. So I proceeded to the foyer and spread out the changing thingy on the floor.

This being my millionth diaper change, things went along fine. It wasn't the largest of poos, but it was plenty. So I placed the dirty Pampers to the side and started wiping the vestiges off her rump. My right hand holding her ankle, my left holding the wet wipe, I was amost done when all of the sudden, I looked over and Shadow, our friend's one-fanged Pekingnese, had her face in the discarded diaper! "Oh crap!" I shouted as I lunged. But it was too late. Shadow's mono-toothed chops were chomping down and munching away.

I apologized to my girl for saying crap (something I need to work on), and immediately started laughing. "Anna Rose," I said, "That was your very first Christmas present. It was even partially wrapped." She smiled up at me and said, "Boop!" "That's right," I replied.

(to protect Shadow's fragile esteem, the above picture is merely a representation)

Is this Christmas or what?

Y'all, the only thing funnier than this picture was being there and seeing it first hand. Even Santa wanted to take a look at it when it was all over.

Prior to it all, Lia warned Santa that A-Ro was going to have a conniption. He said, "I don't mind if they cry, but I'll throw them to the ground if they start kicking."

Good thing Anna Rose only screamed, but I'll tell you, she was on and off of his lap in two seconds.

The worst part of it was, Lia and I totally knew this was going to happen. And we still did it! It makes you wonder where exactly the line is for child abuse.

A-Ro, I'm sorry, but this picture will figure prominently in your rehearsal dinner slide show.