Eight years ago, Mitzi White’s life came unglued. She had
been overweight as a child, battled weight for years; but after her boyfriend
left her for another person two doors down – she lost the will to fight.
When she was invited to be a part of ABC’s reality show,
Extreme Weight Loss, she weighed 262 pounds. (By the way, I learned she didn’t
intend to sign up for the show. She had gone to auditions to support a friend
and while she was there the producers convinced her to do the paperwork).
But in some ways that was the least of her problems. She was
depressed, ashamed, and what we eventually learn on the show is that she had
become a hoarder. When the producers interview her at the beginning of the
program, she refuses to let them inside her house.
Heidi Powell, one of the coaches and hosts of Extreme Weight
Loss, insisted on helping Mitzi pack for her trip. Again, Mitzi refused.
Heidi said: “If you are not ready to open up your self and
your life to me. I can’t help you. So what’s it going to be? Are you going to
let me in, or am I going to go?”
So Mitzi does it. She let’s her in. And it’s bad. There’s
trash to the ceiling. These little tunnels she can walk through from room to
room.
Heidi said: “When Mitzi opened up her door. I can’t believe any
one can live that way. ‘Oh my goodness. Ok’ I had no idea it was as bad as it
was…You own all this stuff – but really all this stuff owns you. If you want to
take the next step and truly rid yourself of all of this weight, you found the
right person. We can do this.”
Mitzi said:“It feels good that there is no judgment. And
that she didn’t take the opportunity away from me.”
Later in the show, Mitzi had now lost 65 pounds and it was
time to deal with her house. They had signed up Dr, Tolin, a clinical psychologist
and hoarding specialist, to help her.
Mitzi was ready to tackle the problem – but instead of going
inside and getting to work – Dr. Tolin took Mitzi to the backyard, which was full
of twenty or so of her friends and coworkers – the friends she hadn’t let in
for eight years.
“I have done more in the last six months than I have in the
last six years. I actually lived life! It was so awesome,” said Mitzi with
tears in her eyes.
Little did Mitzi know that the psychologist had brought her
friends here for another reason.
“Why are we in the back of your house and not the front of
it?” asked the psychologist.
“Because there is more to my story,” said Mitzi. And Mitzi
let her friends know about her struggle, “In order to push people away – I started
hoarding things…and it became like a physical barrier, just like my weight has
been.”
“It doesn’t matter what your house looks like!” said one
friend.
“We love you and your heart!” said another.
“We all have baggage!” said a third.
The psychologist then brought up the idea of letting her
friends clean up the house.
“NO!” cried Mitzi. “They don’t need to be part of that.”
“They are your friends,” said Dr. Tolin.
Mitzi whispered, “Why did you do this, Dr.?”
“We love you Mitzi,” said a friend.
Then, Dr. Tolin said something that struck me to the core.
He said:
“What’s more important to you right now? Keeping your
secrets or letting your friends in?”
I have a friend named Mike. I really look up to him. He is
the kind of man I want to be. He’s handy. He’s resourceful. And he is an
amazing husband and father. Years ago, I was dealing with some serious shame,
and I knew that if I wanted Mike to be the friend he wanted to be to me, I was
going to need to let him in.
I was going to have to tell him my secret.
And I was scared.
So I planned out a time for us to talk. We would be outside,
on a run. If things went sour, I could just keep going – run away and never
look back.
He pulled up. Got out of the car. We started walking. And I
started talking.
He stopped me.
“Ned,” he said. “I already know. That’s why I am your
friend.”
What?
“You know?” I asked.
“Yes. And you don’t need to tell me a thing. But if you need to tell me – I would be happy
to listen. I love you either way.”
I told him everything.
It was a most healing moment.
Mitzi had one too. She let her friends in, and everything
changed.
Mitzi is speaking in November at a Faith and Fitness
Conference in Tampa, Florida
Mitzi said this about her experience: “I feel like the most
difficult part of my transformation journey has been the vulnerability. And
just truly understanding that in order for me to really move past where I’m at,
the comfort level where I’m in. There’s actually a quote that says that life
begins where your comfort zone ends. It could never be more true. And even
though it’s very uncomfortable to be in a physically unfit body, to live with
disease and with pain – there’s comfort in that, cause it’s what you know. But
once you get beyond that and allow yourself to truly live – there’s nothing
sweeter. The best part of my journey was becoming uncomfortable, was letting
myself be vulnerable, showing my transparency, and allowing others to help me.”
Did you notice that?
Vulnerability was the hardest AND the best part.
It is true friends.
The question you need to answer is this:
What’s more important to you? Keeping your secrets or
letting your friends in?
