Name Calling

On our second day, we met up with two of my parents' students. Their English names were Charlie and Nicole. I could not pronounce their Chinese names. (I cannot pronounce very many things in Chinese.) So I was happy that they chose to respond to names I could pronounce.

They are college students currently studying abroad in America! I think my parents were conspiring to make us friends - which took all of about five seconds. Because they are awesome!

The ever-evolving, ever-elusive "plan" was for Charlie and Nicole to serve as tour guide and translator for us as we bumped around Sichuan Province. The "plan" more or less worked - not accordingly, but better than any of us imagined. It was a magical couple days. But before I get to the magic, a bit about names.

Our first stop was at the Panda Research and Breeding Center just outside of Chengdu. As you can guess, we saw pandas. And as you can also guess, they were cute. We saw everything from a 9 day old to a great grandmom. Other than the X-Rated video we watched, it was a swell time. Somewhere near this No Strinding sign (no idea what Strinding means...I think I might have to devote an entire blog entry to things lost in translation) Charlie and Nicole decided to give me a Chinese name: xiao xiong mao - which is what they call the Red Panda. I think it literally translates Little Red Bear or something like that. It's hard to understand these things. Anyway, I became Xiao Xiong Mao.

Throughout our stay, I introduced myself as such to the laughter of all. Not sure what the laughter meant, but we learned that this naming thing is universal. Many Chinese want an English name. It was quite fun and quite an honor when you think about it. And, tempting as it was to name someone something like LiverLips or Kumkwat or Bart Simpson, we, for the most part, gave names to be proud of. For instance, we named Charlie's dad "Chuck" to keep it in the family.

"Chu-kuh!" as Chuck said it. We told him it was the name of a king. We did not mention that Charles of England was beheaded. We did mention that Charlemagne was the Emperor of all of Europe. Chu-kuh liked that.

The same meal, we named his friend Leo. We explained that that was the word for lion, and lions are the kings of the jungle. Leo liked that as well. It was also easier to pronounce than Chu-kuh.

Above is Leo with his daughter Lucy (Lucy already had an English name)

My father eventually became known as Big Panda. Ta Xiong Mao. Or something like that. It's hard to understand these things.

One thing that was easy to understand was that naming is fun. It's cool that of all the jobs God could have given Adam, he gave him this one: Namer. Namer was the first job in the history of jobs! (Genesis 2:19) It makes you think God really wanted the best for him. It makes you wonder if God might really want the best for us, too. Like when he gives us a job - it's supposed to be meaningful and fun. I need to chew on that...

One more thing that was quite apparent to me: English name or not, over the last two years, my parents have gotten a lot more Chinese. Here's a picture: tell me what you think.

Leap for China

I just got back from my second trip to China in two months! This time, Lia came along. What a trip. Although we did not come close to the 635 pictures that we took on our trip to Mexico. We did take a solid 257, which is pretty impressive since not one of them is of our children, of whom we take about 90% of our pictures.

As usual, at least as usual for me, I'm experiencing the challenge of trying to put in words a trip that was unbelievably great without just saying it was unbelievable and great. I also don't have the time or energy to put down every memorable and meaningful experience. There were simply too many. (On top of taking 257 pictures, I wrote more than 30 pages of journal.) I'm also ever-conscious of coming across like "look at us, look what we did." I have no interest in tooting my own horn.

Or gonging my own bell, so to speak.

So with these few entries (I don't know how many there will end up being), I hope to convey my appreciation and affection for the people of China. It is a beautiful country with beautiful people. Their hospitality is over the top.

Here I am learning how to drink tea like a Buddhist.

Just one example of how I was treated far better that I deserve, far greater than I'll be able to return if given the honor. (I did invite practically, no, every Chinese person I met to come to our home for as long as they wanted. I imagine not everyone will be able to take me up on it. If they do, I'll be in trouble! But hopefully, at least a few will.)

I've written too long...I haven't begun.

Oh Baby

Our friends Tim and Lindsay had their third child on June 20th. Samuel Alan Musser (initials S.A.M.) - how's that for clever? He looks pensive for his age. Anyway, it's got the wheels in Anna Rose's head turning.

A few days ago, we were in the car and she asked: "How did Tim and Lindsay get another baby?"

I said: "Lots and lots of sex." Just kidding. I said, "They prayed for one."

I have to admit, many times when Anna Rose puts me on the spot, I don't answer so well. But as I have reflected on this particular response, I think that this time I did all right. I know there is science and sex involved with conception, but in the end, it is always a gift from God. As for sex and science, God created them, too. Anyway, Tim and Lindsay did pray. And God doesn't always answer in the affirmative, but this time he did.

So Anna Rose says, "Daddy. I think you and Mommy should pray for one."

Oh really.

Ta-Ta-Tequila!

Did you know that Jalisco, Mexico is the only place in the world licensed to make tequila?

Did you know that all other tequilas are actually, technically, Mezcal - and that's the one with the worm in it?

Did you know that true tequila is made from the blue agave plant?

Did you know that the blue agave looks like a cactus above ground but looks like a pineapple below it?

Did you know that tequila is aged in old bourbon barrels? that it tastes like diesel fuel? that it makes you sleepy?

I didn't.

But I do now.

Ta-Ta-Tortilla!

This summer, the Simpson clan headed south of the border for our annual vacation.

It turned out to be quite an educational week.

Dave Dave learned to walk.

Evy learned to swim with floaties.

Anna Rose learned to float on her back.

Sue learned that the best part of vacation is not having to cook or clean up afterwards.

Cara learned how to use the new lens on her camera.

Todd and Caitlin learned how best to pose for photos at dusk.

Caitlin also learned to relax.

Todd also learned that his best look was shirt unbuttoned.

Todd also taught me to flex one's triceps when getting one's picture taken.

Rich learned where wild macaws live.

Rich also learned to take it all in.

Jeremy learned he was not the weak link at the euchre table (or the Settlers!).

Jeremy also learned that if law doesn't pan out, there is always daddy daycare.

Wyatt taught us to chill.

Chad learned that we all think he is famous because he lives in L.A.

He also learned to accept it.

Lia learned (or we learned about Lia) that she is at least one-half mermaid (does that make her three-quarters human?)

I learned that "el stoppo" does not mean "stop" in Spanish.

I also learned how to make tortillas!

(Although I need another lesson...my first attempt at home almost resulted in a visit from the fire department!)

All in all, it was a most eventful, fully wonderful week. I think we would also say the best part was getting to know Raul, R.J., Jemma, and Goya. They really became part of the family!

Cover Design For My Next Novel

I don't think anyone who has read Falling Into Love would ever characterize it as a "romance novel." However, had the book been written by Lia's sister Caitlin and/or her husband Todd it most certainly would have been.

Is it surprising the housekeeper where we were staying called these two "The Honeymooners"?

"We get that every time," said Caitlin innocently.

So anyway, I'm working on some titles for their book. Feel free to post your own ideas.

How about...

Pacific Sunset

or

Forbidden Pampers (Todd works for P&G in the you-can-probably-guess department)

or

Naughty Arithmetic (Caitlin is a math teacher)

or

I'll unbutton mine if you unbutton yours

or

Is that Gold Coming Out of Your Nose?

Emails from China - 5

May 31st afternoon:

leela,

i teared up reading your last email. i really do miss you so much. i talk about you a lot to people, so it feels like you're here sometimes. and i think there will be some people that you will meet when you come here this summer. which is cool. i want to show you some things for sure. it took me four days, but i'm finally settling in here. of course tomorrow i'm leaving. ha!

today was like the others. both mom and dad had classes this morning. the way they do classes is 45 minutes then a break then the same class for another 45 minutes then a new class. i guess it is sort of like block scheduling. so my dad had me for the first 45 minutes. he had the kids perform songs for each other. they had to pick an english song, learn the vocabulary and the meaning and share it with the class. some did better than others. but it was entertaining. of course that meant that i had to sing as well. last night about 2am i decided to do Love Story by Taylor Swift. I thought they would all know it. turns out it was a good choice. they knew the song and love songs are pretty much the only songs in china. pretty hilarious. next to the michael learns to rock song which i think has got to be a government consipracy or something, the next most popular song is My Heart Will Go On. every one sings it. hilarious! so i played my mom's mini-guitar and sang taylor swift to the students. then i sang My Girl as a duet with my father. we were a hit. i think they have low expectations.

then i went to my mom's class and spoke for the second part. after a short introduction, i told the students they could ask me anything, and i would answer them. so they ripped up scrap sheets of paper and asked me everything! they asked me all kinds of stuff. of course they are interested in what i do for a living. they think being a writer is like the coolest. so i play into that a bit. ha! if they only knew! just kidding, i didn't want to give them a false impression. i tell them you are a doctor and they all think that is the very coolest thing in the world. i play into that. i tell them about our kids. they want to know our love story (of course). they ask if we spank our children. they ask why i have red (blond) hair when my parents don't. i say, "now that's a great question!" they ask me about what i think of china. I say it is beautiful. and the people are beautiful. and they ask about america and i tell them that in every city there are people from china and europe and africa and south america and so they would not feel like a foreigner if they came. which i think is mostly true. it is a lot of fun. it's most certainly in my wheelhouse. ha!

then, i went back to dad's class and did it all over again. so that was 8am-12pm. then we ran to the bus and went to the DVD store where they have befriended the woman who works there. her name is Becky. newly married. she is absolutely wonderful. she took us to her apartment which she shares with her husband, her parents, and her grandparents. they cooked us a feast. i drank many drinks with the father. i learned that if someone was "Goombwa!" that means "bottoms up" and it is culturally advisable to chug your glass (which they fill to the meniscus. it means long life or something. that God the glasses are small! we ate great food.

the food really is wonderful here. and it's not that weird in general. they cooked us all classic dishes from the area and it was like green beans and beef and potatoes. so it's not crazy. Becky is pregnant, and i offered your services. when you meet her this summer you will be more than happy to oblige. she is truly delightful. and she really deserves a better lot than she has in life. her husband Edward (named after Edward Scissor Hands) does not know English, but understands about a tenth of what i say. I told him he must learn. i hope he will. her father is thinkking about selling the business and going into toilets! ha!

he asked many questions about western toilets. on which i have much experience. but in selling them, not any. i hope i didn't lead him astray. i guess everyone needs one. i mean sort of. then it was off to the next place.

my dad took me to his dojo. where he learns kung fu or something. i couldn't totally understand what exactly he does there. anyway, it was closed. but on the building they have pop's picture. actually two. i guess he is good publicity. ha!

then we went to the senior center where he takes tai chi class. we were very late. so they berated him (jovially). then he talked in chinese for 20 minutes. and i just smiled. then they did the class. the 48 and the 24. which are the movements i guess. of course i had to as well. it was very humbling. all these 70 year olds doing the moves and i'm looking like a...i don't know what i look like but it couldn't have been pretty. then we jumped on a bus.

we have a tiny break. which i'm spending on this long email. then going to dinner with more people.

i'll pass out. and wake up by bugle at 6am and head to the bus stop! unbelievable. what a wild adventure. i have realized that i do not have many skills. i would not be a very good businessman. really i'm not very good at anything. i can't build things. i'm clutzy and clumsy and not very precise. but i think i would be a very good ambassador. i am certifiably nice. my one credential. i am very good at being a good guy. it's in my wheelhouse. so this trip as been pretty wheelhousy. because i have had limited time with lots of people. not long enough to really screw anything up. ha! i guess we all have a skill. some more marketable than others. i love you. miss you. i'm glad to be married to you and not my parents. it will be good to be home.

Lord willing tomorrow!

ned